Perspective.

God's timing is perfect. 

(just needed to remind myself of that fact this morning)

And I love when God pulls at my heart and changes my perspective a little. 

I'll start by going back to May of this year. Samuel is a about 4 months old. The weather is nice, we are stir crazy and so are the dogs. So we head out to the dog park.

Little kids under 8 are not "allowed" in the dog park; I'm sure this is precautionary so they don't get in trouble if someone gets hurt. Well, Samuel is asleep anyway so I park myself on a bench while Jon heads in to play with Tibby and Bella. There are people coming and going, most of them stopping to peek in on my sleeping babe and mention how cute he is and whatnot. I'm used to it and really just hoping he doesn't wake up. 

This one woman in particular stands out to me and I'll tell you why in just a minute. Because at first, I thought she was just kinda weird and sharing way too much. 

She comes up and peeks in at Samuel, compliments me on my baby, asks how old he is and all the usual things. Then she says something that, at that time, I had no idea how much it would stick with me over the next few months; "You know, my husband and I tried for 15 years and we could never have kids. You are SO LUCKY."

For a fleeting moment, I could see the pain in her eyes. She then puts on a seemingly forced smile and walks away. "TMI," I thought. I don't know you, lady and you probably just shared your biggest heartache.  Now, that seems a bit harsh to think. I was probably sleep deprived and distracted, but it just didn't resonate with me.

All these months later though, I find myself thinking of that woman. When I'm crawling out of bed at 2 am because Samuel peed through his diaper and he wants to cuddle for an hour and I just want to go back to bed...I think about how this moment is one that she longed for. When Samuel smiles right at me and I just beam with joy...I think about how she will never experience that. When I am rocking my baby boy to sleep and he is so peaceful in my arms...I am overcome with happiness that God blessed us with our little miracle. Even as I am trying to update my blog for about the 3rd time today, Samuel just wants Mommy...

10 minutes later....

So. I think about this woman more often than I ever thought, and other women like her. Now, I know there is adoption and as a believer I do believe it is biblical and our Christian duty to adopt and care for orphans. However, women were created to have babies. (not just that, obviously, but hear me out). In a perfect world, there would be no problems. Over the past few months, Jon and I have heard countless stories of couples we know going through absolute heartache over miscarriages and infertility. And all these sweet, God-loving people want is to have children. My heart aches for them. I knew I always wanted to be a mother. I know what that desire feels like. 

But boy oh boy, I have no idea the sadness they feel knowing that they've lost a child or just can't conceive. 

Samuel was born before we planned to have children, but God had different plans for us. Yeah, maybe we wanted to wait a few more years. But even on our worst days, I can't imagine our life without Samuel. All of these stories that weigh heavy on my heart just make me oh so thankful that Samuel is healthy and here with us.

Even in Samuel's short, 7 month old life, God has changed MY life, my heart, and my perspective.