So Here's The Plan.

Life is funny. Interesting. Ironic at times. 

But God is always in control, always sovereign.

He always has a plan. 

I don't even know where to start today. So much on my heart. But I knew I just had to write. It's always been my outlet. So I apologize if I'm all over the place. 

Lately, I've been thinking about what it means to be content. What is that supposed to look like. From a worldly perspective, being content might go hand in hand with having things the way you want them. Like, you may not be content until a certain something has happened or has been attained.

That job. I'll be happy when I have that dream job. A house. Things will be better when I can buy a house. Or maybe even the newest Iphone. (Nothing wrong with that, I want it, too!). 

Whatever it may be, there is probably something you're longing for. Waiting for. Anticipating. And THEN you will be happy. 

But as believers, as Christ-followers, our happiness or joy or contentment is not in those things. (duh, right?) It's in Christ. Our joy is our salvation! Simple, right? 

Wrong. At least for me, anyway. When I was a brand new Christian, I had joy overflowing in my heart! What a sweet time to remember. Didn't matter what happened, I could sing the praises of our King from the rooftop! 

And then I'd get a little overwhelmed with life, but quickly bury myself in the Word and rest in that. Life is hard, but God is good. Amen. 

And life got harder. More pressure. More work. Can't afford school. Dating boys, and breaking up with boys. Heartbreak. Getting the power shut off at my apartment because I didn't have money to pay the bill. Still, I turned to God, but I could feel a little bitterness, maybe frustration. Okay, God. I've had enough. I trust you, ok? Okay. 

Anyway. (Told you I'd be all over the place.) The last 2 years have been CRAZY. Just wanted to emphasize that. It has driven me nuts. I had a plan. Did you hear me, God?? I said I had a plan!! Well, my plan definitely did not happen. And I'm so thankful for that. I'll try to give a quick run down, but don't count on it.

• After years of on and off dating, Jon and I got married June 2010. Okay, life will be better. He will finish school this year, he will find a job, I can quit work, we can buy a house, we can have kids. The dream. The plan. 
• So life goes on. Jon graduates, yay! Start looking for a job.
• We very unexpectedly find out we are pregnant. Woah. Not part of the plan. After the shock wears off, we are thrilled! Okay, adjust the plan a little.
• Our lease is almost up on our 1 bedroom apartment, so we plan to move within the complex to a 2 bedroom. Our good friends offered us their house for us to rent for a few months until Jon would no doubt find a job. (They had moved to St. Louis and were trying to sell their house, but figured they'd help us out.) Great! 
• We move in. Things go downhill quickly. I'll spare you the gory details, but it was ugly. And devastating. I'm talking lost friendships over this. They kicked us out after a month. Yes, ONE MONTH. We were at a loss. Lost all our deposits on our old apartment. Just gave our money to our friends for rent. No money. Nowhere to go. No job prospects. What now?
• Move to Dayton (where I'm from) and stay with family until we can save up money and get on our feet. Good to be around family with a baby on the way. We live with my mom. (long story, but not the ideal situation. Stressful. I'm working at Starbucks. Jon is working at Red Robin. Just not a happy time) But the plan....it's been rewritten. We can live in Dayton now. As soon as this passes, it'll be better.
• Finally move in to our own townhouse a month before Samuel is born. Yay!
• Samuel is born! Yay parenthood! I'm on maternity leave.
• Still can't afford rent. Not yay. Jon's parents gracefully help us out for a few months. 
• No youth pastor job prospects at all. Jon's been searching for a year. Hardly anyone even responds to him. This was supposed to be easy. Not the plan. What the heck. Stressed. It'll be better when he gets a job. Right?
• Jon's dad says he's found him a great job! In Wichita. Big move. We JUST moved to Dayton 6 months ago. But hey, a job is great! Not a youth pastor, but a job. YAY! Things are better, the plan is back in motion! We will have a great job, save up so much money, and buy a house and I won't have to work....are you listening, God?? 
• We are here in Wichita. Yay! And we wait for the job to start. And wait. And wait. And wait some more....2 months waiting. No job. Talk about frustrating.

And now here we are. Jon has actually started a different job than the one we actually came here for! Go figure. But it really is better. God knew. This job actually has room for promotion and the management sees that and wants that for him. It's part time, 35-39 hours but it will become full time. Great benefits when that comes. (No health insurance at the moment, so we are praying praying praying we stay healthy until then!) Awesome, normal hours are also a perk of this job. After working in restaurants and 3rd shift at hotels, first shift is amazing for Jon! 

So needless to say, it's been an emotional roller coaster. Jon and I used to joke that our lives were never boring. Hahaha. It's been not boring for quite some time.

As I was thinking about all that's happened and how we got here today, God pulled at my heart a little. I found myself asking why I was truly happy. Jon got the job. That's good, right? 

Of course it's good. But that job...any job...I was placing my security in it. I felt myself so restless until he secured the job. But then there were other things. I am a planner. I LOVE planning and being organized and having different colored pens for different appointments. I love folders and labels. When I can't plan or be organized, I get stressed! I feel helpless. Like I'm not in control. Because I was in control in the first place, right? Ha. So living at Jon's parents house is a huge blessing, absolutely can not thank them enough for putting up with us crazies! But sometimes it's hard knowing it's not OUR space. OUR house. I can't organize the way I want. I can't buy new things to decorate. (Man, does that sound selfish or what?)

This is not what either one of us planned. I'm pretty sure no one says their dream is to graduate, move 5 times, not have a job or have a crap job fresh outta college, have a baby somewhere in the middle, and then move in with their parents. With 2 crazy dogs. But this is our life right now; crazy, unorganized, not planned, stay-in-our-pajamas-most-days kinda life. 

And God is reminding me of my identity in Him and nothing else. I am a child of God. Daughter of the King. How awesome. No matter what else happens or changes, He is my one constant in life.

What would a blog update be without pictures?!

He makes this face at everything!

Oh, ya know, just watching football.

just so pitiful!