Discontent.

"Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lack diligence; be fervent in spirit; serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction, be persisten in prayer. Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone. Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord.  Romans 12:9-19

Sometimes I know things in my head, but not my heart. What is in our hearts is our true self.

Our thoughts.

Our dreams.

Our plans.

Our desires.

Our secrets.


I didn't even realize how ugly my heart has been. I mean, I had thought about it. I would think, "I shouldn't be feeling this way, /thinking this way/ doing this." 

But that was the extent of it. I did nothing about it. So it settled in my heart.


I am doing this bible study called Stuck by Jennie Allen. That is exactly how I have felt lately.

Just stuck.

Last week, the topic of study was mad. During the week, I was thinking, "Yeah, sure, I have been mad." It was a good study. It made me reevaluate my attitude. Okay, good.

This week, the topic was discontent.

Oh boy. I could feel my heart fluttering before I even started reading the next sentence.

You see, I knew in my head that I was discontent. But I refused to let that knowledge seep into my heart because I knew I would be convicted. The Lord would break me down...break my evil, jealous, prideful, selfish, lonely, discontent heart into a million pieces.

But He will put it back together. I knew this, too.

I was afraid of the pruning that would take place. It is painful. It is necessary. And it is good.


God is good.